I have heard so much about myself from others. That now even though it all flatters me and makes me smile, very few of it actually touches my heart. And no I’m not bragging about anything here. Honestly, I don’t even think I deserve as much as I get.
I have also heard that I am lucky for some people, that right when I entered their lives, every thing fell into place for them. Every little thing that wasn’t happening since years, finally happened when I entered. And everything turned upside down and became a complete chaos when I left. Obviously all this makes one feel special, but to me, all this raised questions. If I was so lucky for people, why did they treat me wrong? You don’t let go of your luck, do you? Then why wasn’t I kept happy?
Of course initially everything seemed to be happy and good, but why didn’t that happiness sustain? What wrong did I do? I never asked for compliments, I never asked to make me feel special, I never asked to call me lucky, then why all the twists and turns?
How suddenly things jump from ‘there is no one like you’ to ‘you are just like all the other girls’, from ‘you mean so much to me’ to ‘you are a bitch’, from ‘I love you, please be with me forever’ to ‘don’t even show me your face ever again, just fuck off’!
At the end of it all, it turns out to be yeah I was lucky, I was lucky enough to be fooled. The compliments turned to abuses, the love turned to hate and anger, the trust turned to, o wait, there never was any trust, the gentle touch turned to bruises, both emotionally and physically. And the lucky one then gets tossed over for nothing. People show their true colours. They finally set their priorities straight. But then I wonder, why did I had to go through all this? There were signs all along to get out of it, but I sat there giving chances, hoping.
The good times were good, I was happy. But the bad times were really bad, tested me at every nook and corner throughout the path. Nevertheless, I still believe people are good, it’s just the situation that makes them behave in a certain way. But then again, as my friend says, it’s upon them as to how to behave/react in a particular situation.
I don’t think or rather never thought that I truly deserve all the compliments or good words that I get. But I know I deserve more and better, and I won’t settle for less now. Finally I have sorted myself and now I know what I want from life. I won’t let all this get to me now, as I need to reach my planned destination. Nothing is going to affect me now. If I am that ‘lucky’ for others, I want to see how lucky I am for myself. I will craft my own luck and life.