Tenses, quite literally!

What do you do when you are surrounded by doubts? Doubts slowly and steadily eat you from inside. They paralyse your rational thinking. Why can’t letting go be easy when what you have now is better than that part of your life? 

The worst that you can do to yourself is to compare the past and the present. In this way, not only you are hurting yourself but also the person involved from the past and the present. There is this little tiny part of your heart that isn’t ready to let go completely. And there are times when this little tiny part can become overpowering. Overpowering enough to suppress all your actual feelings. The feelings that you have for your present. 

I am at this juncture in life where I don’t know if I am ready to believe in my present for a better future. The past is past for a reason. But this past of mine kept me happy too. I had a beautiful past that has given me good memories. It’s just the memories that I’ll carry forward with me, that’s for sure. But what scares me is that I don’t want this effect of past on me to influence or hamper with my present and future. 

But when I make up my mind that I am ready for my present, another thought strikes to me, and that is ‘Will this be my future? How should I believe that?’ There is no guarantee.  

Everyone has their own baggage, you just accept people with theirs because they accept yours. My present is really very beautiful. Not a moment when I feel low or when I feel like crying. Nah. I am actually happy and sorted right now. But when that tiny part of my heart takes over that’s when all these doubts and thoughts pounce back on me. 

I want to just live in the present moment without worrying about the future. But hello, we are humans and humans are stupid. We live less and worry more about the future. I don’t know what my future holds for me. I don’t know if seriously my this present is going to be a part of my future. I don’t know. I feel helpless. Thousands of questions and no answer, no guarantee. I feel that I am not even ready to know all the answers. There is absolutely no clarity. 

My past is history, my future is mystery, present is all that I have and I am not making the most out of it. Help!



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